Meal prepping week four

This week I made a "One-Pot Cheesy Orecchiette With Cabbage and Paprika". Do not ask me what an Orecchiette is. I do not know.

Leeks + onions

I feel like it was a little reminiscent of sauerkraut because of the cabbage, and I accidentally only put half the amount of cabbage the recipe called for in.

Barely pictured in the top left: the roasted zucchini/squash

There were definitely plenty of veggies made, I went the lazy route and just did some zucchini/squash and broccoli again, but my partner ate all of them (two full sheets of each).

Glad I tried this recipe but honestly it wasn't my favorite. My partner loved it so I told him to go crazy and I'll find something else to pack for the week.

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: Sourdough starters.

Current hobby: Sourdough starters?

Current worry: Still stressed about work.

I woke up super early today, by which I mean about the time I wake up on workdays. I fed my sourdough starter and I've been monitoring it closely. Once it peaks (if it peaks), I will make sourdough cookies :3

The Hermit (upright)--Introspection, solitude.

Thinkin bout the new year

So Lunar New Year was a few days ago. Year of the Horse! Very exciting. Honestly the Year of the Snake was very kind to me, I feel like I crossed a huge distance.

Do you think the horse is like the horse from spirit stallion of the cimarron or like just a regular horse (image source)

I thought a lot about what kind of goals I'd like to set for the year, and I kind of like the idea of using the time between New Year's and Lunar New Year to brainstorm before putting them into effect. I have a vague list of things, but I've been feeling my goals already pulling me internally.

One of the biggest things (unfortunately, I think) is that I want to work to be more comfortable.

I've been learning so much about myself the past year, and one thing I've recently realized is that a lot scares me. Some things have always been scary to me, some things are new, but lately I've felt like they've been keeping me confined in a small box that I'm outgrowing.

A big thing is that I want to travel more, but it's probably one of my biggest fears. It's tough--I don't like feeling like the thing I want to do the most is also the thing that scares me the most; it's a very uncomfortable place to be in because no matter what direction I go, I'm unhappy (or uncomfortable) in some way. I'm definitely still figuring it out.

I want to make sure to feed a lion at the lion dance this year. I already checked and there will be some performances in town next Saturday. When I fed the lion last year, I had had a big traumatic medical event happen to me and at the time I was physically recovered but still mentally reeling. Watching the cute lions dance and then getting to feed them made me feel lighter about the upcoming year, as if I was getting a protective layer of luck surrounding me.

Plus the red envelopes are super cute! As a stationary nerd, I kind of always love to go look at the designs and pick up a couple cute ones.

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: Figuring out what makes me uncomfortable.

Current hobby: Shrinking.

Current worry: I am working on three projects at work. Two are due in March. One is due in like June. Yesterday, I was stuck on a blocker all day and wrote maybe one line of code total. Idk if I can make these deadlines? I feel like no one has noticed that I have been put on three projects and am struggling and I feel like I can't tell people I'm struggling because it'll look bad. But also I'm frustrated because I'm on three projects and people are expecting me to do all this work with almost no help on some of these. Anyways.

We dressed up and went to a theater show today! I stressed about parking all morning but it was a nothing burger. The temp dropped so much and the wind picked up that we were eager to get home.

The Empress (reversed)--Creative block, insecurity, prompting re-examination.

I am bad at traveling

I don't know why but I get very uncomfortable about traveling. I've always been like this.

However, I'm pleased to announce that this year, I have already traveled. My parents invited me to go with them to Universal Studios for the long weekend and I was so excited to join them, I knew I had to go along. And then... the days passed and the date of the plane ride came closer and closer, and I felt the dread sink up my body like a sponge soaking up water.

Anyways, I did it. It was actually pretty hard for me, but I somehow did it. I only cried on the plane a little.

Frost on the window

Universal is pretty weird because some of it kind of isn't worth it. It feels like a glorified Six Flags or run of the mill local amusement park. There's nothing really "deluxe" about some of the areas of the park, because some of them are old and show their age unfortunately.

I think one of the ways the old parks (Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios) show their age is in their approach to food. Like, I went to Disney a couple years ago and food was a big deal; they try to make really interesting or weird looking food because it could go viral and get more butts in the park. The old Universal parks don't really have this. They might have a couple things that are great or "famous" things to try, but it'll be like... "I heard the baked potatoes here are really good." Idk. I'm not going to go to Florida for a baked potato, no offense.

We did go to the new Epic park, which was pretty amazing in a lot of ways, and Epic definitely puts way more of an emphasis on food (which I think is a much more modern thing in theme parks). This is great in my opinion because I like food. Like many of you, I need to eat.

Some of my favorite/most photogenic items include the following.

The Monocane Mocktail from The Burning Blade Tavern

Monocane is from the 1933 film The Invisible Man. Honestly I just love a good mocktail and I really appreciate that they have a lot of non-alcoholic options because I don't want to walk around a theme park that I'm paying hundreds of dollars to be inside day-drunk, stumbling, and dehydrated (I get tipsy after like one drink). 

I didn't realize it had edible glitter in it until my second one

 

The Hunter's Garlic Stake from The Burning Blade Tavern

Honestly it tastes like what you expect it to taste like but it's such a cute idea and visual that I wanted to include it. 

Mt. Beanpole Cake from The Toadstool Cafe

I was a bit nervous ordering this because the top is matcha and as much as I wish I was a cool matcha girlie I am not. It tastes so earthy it's basically dirt (sorry). This was great though. I've honestly heard some pretty horrible things about the Toadstool Cafe food, and the other dish I got had something hard in it that got stuck in my tooth for the rest of the day. But this was good.

Traditional English Breakfast from The Three Broomsticks

This is from one of the older parks so it doesn't pop as much as some of the Epic stuff, but it's a really hearty breakfast. I'm not english so it was also fun to try a traditional english breakfast (beans?!) I probably should've ordered the child size because the child size one is still massive and it doesn't come with the blood sausage. As an American, blood sausage is crazy. I guess not crazy that it exists, but crazy that people eat it, because it tastes just like blood, probably because it's made with blood.

Classic Mac and Cheese from The Spit Fyre Grill

This one pisses me off so bad. We had an Incident ordering these where the mobile ordering app glitched while people not using the mobile ordering walked up to the window, ordered it traditionally, and walked away with their food. We even got kicked out of the mobile ordering line (yes there was a line to pick up mobile orders) because ours didn't say it was ready for pick up yet, even though the line was like 6 people long. Can you imagine pre-ordering your food so it's ready, only to watch people walk up, order it, and walk away with it? Also there's a line for the pre-ordered food! We stood there for 20 minutes before getting a refund.

But we really wanted it, so at the end of the night we slunk back with our tails between our legs like the consumer sheep we are and bought it again, and the app did not break this time.

And it makes me so mad because it was really good. Actually amazing. Yes, those are Gold Fish on top. Yes, they actually go amazingly with mac n cheese and I never knew that. It was crazy. My bf and I split this one and we were taking these massive bites just trying to fit the entire thing in our mouths.

Gaze upon it in equal parts anger and envy

We went back the next day and tried one with pork on top and it was even more amazing and even now, I wish I had one of these in my hands.

Doesn't this sound disgusting? I thought so. I hate that I liked it so much.

On one hand, I feel really brave for traveling. Having nothing go wrong while I was gone is maybe conditioning me to not freak out as much for when I do it again.

However, on the other hand, it sucks to have to fight my discomfort to try and do something like this, especially when it feels like a lot of people don't think twice about it. It can feel like climbing up a steep hill when the other people around me are taking a nice level stroll through a lovely park.

But I do think travel is important. I'm sure this is a bastardized version of it, but there's a quote from St. Augustine: "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." I do think there's some truth in that and so I want to try and travel more this year, which will honestly be very hard for me I think. 

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: I think I'm between fixations atm.

Current hobby: Brainstorming scrapbooking my trip and also watching new things. Been trying new shows and movies this week.

Current worry: Expanding my "zone of discomfort". Basically doing uncomfortable things until they become more comfortable. But I guess the worry is how much that's going to suck. Also I left a little early today and another manager saw me and I think she doesn't like me so what if she fires me. Yesterday she kept coming up to my cube like she was looking for someone, like what if she was checking I was working? I just don't think she likes me kinda.

Went to the office. Got boba. Came home and did therapy. Currently debating making a big dinner or a lil small dinner.

Seven of Swords (upright)--theft, betrayal, self-preservation.

Meal prepping week two

I like when posts have lots of bright photos but I'm not really as beautifully artistic as some of the other blogs I follow, so I had to sit back and think what else I do that can have lots of photos with pretty colors. I like cooking, I try to be good at it. I usually make one big meal once a week and this is my second week attempting meal prepping (actually sectioning off the food into pre-determined sizes so I don't overeat through the week), so come along with me on that I guess.

Full disclosure, I had a small breakdown before this cooking session about envelopes, so I started by making a soothing cup of chai. One of my coolest friends is actually from India and showed me how to make it, and I feel like I have this cool insider knowledge no one else has. It's always really good and makes me feel better, and I'm not sensitive to caffeine so I can have it at 4 pm like this.

It's technically out of date (Nov 2025) but I don't know if tea can really go bad (unless it is moldy--repeat, do not drink mold ty)

Anyways this is how I make the chai. I feel okay sharing it because no one reads my blog, so if you get this far consider this my gift to you.

1 c. milk

1 c. water

1-2 tsp chai

1 green cardamom pod 

1-2 tsp sugar (but really to taste)

Dash of cinnamon

 

1. Combine milk and water.

 

2. Boil it (or, near boil it if you are afraid of the milk overflowing because that can happen if you boil the milk too fast and it always makes me afraid that the milk will spill over the pot which it factually did once and it smells bad when it does that and leaves a burner stain).

 

3. Crush/burst open the cardamom pod and place it with the leaves, then put the leaves in the boiling (or near-boiling) liquid.

 

4. Let the leaves steep for 3-5 minutes. The amount of time you leave it in determines the strength of the tea.

 

5. Pour into mug with cute decal and sprinkle a dash of cinnamon on top. 

 

I kind of let it sit on the stove maybe a smidge too long so the flavor was a little less sweet, but I hate boiling the milk because one time I was making the tea for a friend and it boiled over on me. The second the milk hit the burner it made this horrible smell. I'm scarred.

 

First I like to do all my prep work for everything I'm going to make, which is usually a lot of chopping. I've been working hard lately to do more vegetables because I wasn't raised with a real focus on those and I want to be healthier as an adult. It's weird because a lot of veggies are like $0.50 each but then it feels like they last barely a week on the counter or in the fridge, so I've learned to make them very quickly after getting them. We got these from a grocery store order yesterday.

 

It's impossible to tell but these yams are actually pretty small, which I like. I hate cutting big yams. I have dropped two yam halves on the floor two separate times. Which equals one full yam. Insane yam math.

This side is a little icky so we will be cutting off this part

The broccoli is from NYTs Cooking, and it has like... butter, red wine vinegar, and dijon mustard for sauce. This sounds disgusting, doesn't it? I was like smelling all the pieces separately and gagging a little. But it is weirdly so good and addictive. Trust.

My supervisor

I did the most amazing butterfly cut on the chicken. There's no picture of it but it was really good. That's something I really like about cooking: you can feel yourself gaining skills. Two months ago I did not know how to cut a leek. I've never made anything with leeks before. "Leeks, what is that, like some kind of hole that can spring on a boat?" -me, two months ago. But idk, in cooking, you look up a quick youtube video, try it out, and then throw those damn leeks in your soup and realize damn, leeks are great and I'm great at prepping them. So the butterfly cut I mentioned earlier was the third time I was prepping using the butterfly cut, and it's really cool to feel myself getting better at it.

 

Should've taken a photo of it, I guess.

 

Anyways, I wasn't in a huge hurry to make everything, so it took me a couple hours total I think. It was relaxing but it's also hot in front of the stove so I got sweatier than I want to say.

Served myself way too much--couldn't finish it

Honestly even though I've only done it for one week, meal prepping is kind of taking some stress out of the upcoming week. It's pretty nice to come home from work and just toss it all on a plate and heat it up. It's such a small thing, so it's weird to feel like it makes a difference.

 

Also it kind of feels like an adult lunchable. 

Into its tiny little boxes the food goes

 

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: Conjunctival cysts. There are certain things that you have no idea is a Thing--this was one of them for me. Was. Because I came back home from work on Thursday with one that had developed during the day. It is basically a harmless lump that forms on the eye itself. Do not google images of it, it's freaky. Luckily mine is already gone but now I know that this is a Thing that can Happen and I hate the burden of this knowledge.

Current hobby: Working on Blogger code. Apparently to get a list of the most recently updated blogs from the blogs I follow in a widget, I have to manually call the Blogger API. Crazy.

Current worry: Insurance appeal on hospital billing. And growing a conjunctival cyst. Also my cat's bathroom activities (possible vet trip tomorrow).

Quiet morning. Read a little of Secure Relating by Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. Stressed over envelopes then made a big dinner for the week while watching Nobody Wants This. Watched some Superbowl ads.

Ace of Swords (upright)--triumph, truth, breakthrough.

Why did no one tell me how hard being an adult would be

I think there's a strange tragedy in being an adult, not sure if I can put my finger exactly on why.

But I get so tired of taking care of myself. And in fact, taking care of yourself is the bare minimum. If you want to be the best version of yourself, that requires even more care and effort. It's not enough to eat food, you will have to eat food that's good for you, balance your diet, and make sure you don't overeat.

I feel like the same applies to being a person. A lot of people out there are fine just as they are, maybe they don't even consider trying to be a better person. Maybe they've stagnated. But I think a lot of people want to evolve and be the best versions of themselves they can be.

When I was trying to get hired, I remember watching this video from two people in the video game industry that were giving advice to people trying to get in. For those who don't know, it's an amazingly competitive field, full of plenty of people that want to work at any number of studios because they love the games that studio has made, grew up playing them, or just want to make video games. Anyways, the guy was describing the type of person you need to be to be hired in these roles. He said you need to be "endlessly evolving" and that always stuck with me. I knew then that this was the type of person I wanted to be, not just in job applications, but all around.

It sounds like a force of nature, someone beyond a mere person, who moves forward despite all obstacles. For some reason it reminds me of the fear litany from Dune. The idea of being the thing that overcomes, the thing that remains--and in this sense, the thing that continues forward, Always.

Replace the hands with worms and it's one-to-one Dune

 

Something that doesn't immediately come up in that imagery is how exhausting that is. What an impossibly-heighted hurdle I've set here. Human beings don't do "endless" very well, and sometimes change is the scariest thing I can think of.

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: SpideyPool fanfic

Current hobby: Marvel Rivals

Current worry: Looking foolish in front of my team at work

Quiet day in. Slept until 1:30. Swept dryer lint off the balcony. Sneezing. Rent is due.

POV: You're the only person in the entire world

That's how today felt, at least. Not in the sense of like "last person on earth" but in the sense of like... the only sane person. The amount of work being put on me is kind of crazy, and my manager pinged me today to be like "hey don't forget training is due".

First off, training is not due today. Or tomorrow. Training is due Wednesday.

Second off, you're the one that gave me so much work that I don't have time for everything, including training.

When I first started this job, I got a lot of advice from more veteran coworkers. I don't know if they knew they were giving me advice though. I'd see them work insanely hard every day and go above and beyond, only for our manager to give the raise/promotion/reward to someone else, seemingly just because they were a better buddy to him. I think it put into my mind the idea of like don't give 100%, you will regret it.

Entering the job force, it's amazing to look around and see that most people don't give anywhere close to 100%. It can be so low, that it will be personally offensive sometimes. Like I sent an email four hours ago, you can't check your fucking email in four fucking hours? What are you doing?

Literally (side tangent) someone mentioned something during a presentation. I was working on a related task, so about 20 minutes after the meeting ended, I messaged them something like: "Hey, did you say [blank]? Or did I misunderstand?" because it could potentially impact my work. It was close to the end of day, so I didn't expect him to respond, but he still didn't respond the next morning. Or afternoon. I messaged him at about 2 pm asking if he saw my message. He said he did, he just didn't know how to respond. Okay, so you just didn't respond???

"you disgust me" jk I had to be like "oh wow :) haha np :) haha yeah cool I get it haha :)" my worksona was sweating

But more and more lately, I think I'm learning it isn't about being someone that gives 100%. Not necessarily. That's only a symptom. The root cause is caring. I want to say "caring too much" but honestly, in this modern world, if you care anything over 60%, that is apparently too much.

I feel so alone sometimes, hearing these people say wild shit, and looking around at everyone else, slowly realizing I'm the only one that cares. When we have regular meetings during lunch, when the coworker is slightly misogynistic, when someone else doesn't do the work... everyone else just takes it. They don't notice. You look around thinking does anyone else have an issue with this and they don't. The lack of response can be disconcerting and sometimes makes me feel like the only person that's actually awake and not in a fog.

The worst part is that I don't want to care less. Honestly, not sure if you can turn the dial and do that anyways. I think if anyone reading this is like that--someone who cares about things other people don't care about--then I think that's great, and kind of needed. I wouldn't want them to care less. I don't want to care less. I just wish everyone else cared a little bit more.

Grady Hendrix is surprisingly mean

I started Witchcraft for Wayward Girls today.

The covers kinda slap

 First off, big book is big. Kind of keep settling into weird positions on the couch or bed and hold it up with only my wrists and gives me a bit of a soreness. I have delicate wrists for I am a delicate lady.

Anyways, instead of showering, I read this book for most of today. It's my first real Grady Hendrix book, I think I started the Final Girl Support Group (or whatever it's called, I think it's a bit funnier if I don't look up the title and go with something slightly wrong nvm I just looked it up and it's exactly what I guessed so that's less funny) but I only got maybe 30 pages in. It's not that it didn't interest me, I think I was just less intense about reading and it was due back at the library, so I just never picked it up again to finish off the other 322 pages.

Truthfully, I was in a bookstore and I picked up this book and was so nearly close to buying it. The first sentence is so funny. (She didn't think things could get any worse, then she saw the sign. Welcome to Florida, it read.) I barely managed to resist once I saw the library had a copy. And this morning, I had five unstarted library books so I rolled a random number generator and got this one (which is good because I secretly wanted to start this one today). It's definitely cutting the line quite a bit, but the rules are different on a snow day/weekend. Welcome to the Thunderdome.

The first scene of gore is shocking. I guess I wasn't familiar with Hendrix so I didn't think he'd necessarily go there, but as they say, don't read a horror book centered around a lot of pregnancy if you aren't ready for some pregnancy-related horror, so I suppose that's my bad for ignoring that common phrase.

Then there's an entire two pages in Chapter 22 just describing a character's pain. Two entire pages. The descriptions are visceral and unique. It starts with: The thing in her stomach picked her up and dragged her into the pain room. Her entire body was made of pain. (I really would like to write more of the quotes but I think it might be quite a lot.) What a blunt way to start it though. It really catches the attention if you ask me. I'd love if someone asked me one day. God, I'm lonely.

In another scene, a character pays the "sixpence" of a spell. I preface my reaction by saying I've read a good amount of horror and gore (Bat Eater, Play Nice, and The Eyes Are the Best Part most recently). This wasn't even a horror scene in that sense and I almost couldn't read the whole thing. As it was, I had to skim over it, take a break to cringe and curl up in a ball and feel every feeling like electricity down my nerves, and then skim over the rest super fast like ripping off a visual band-aid. I have to imagine it's the kind of phantom pain men feel when they watch those "funny" compilation videos of other men getting kicked in the balls.

Except with fingers.

You look into that eye and try to tell it that its gore gave me a false sense of security of what level of gore I could handle

Although the sixpence scene was probably objectively the worst, there is also a medical scene that made my hands shake so bad. I do think it was supposed to be horrible, but I don't know if it was supposed to send the reader away sobbing. Which I didn't do right away, I read another 40 pages before my bf came to check on me, which broke my reading trance and then I started sobbing.

The dedication page was so silly that it really put me in a false sense of ease

I'm a bit impressed with Hendrix though. He isn't afraid to take the wheel and go straight off a horror cliff, or more accurately, teeter the car dangerously close to the horror cliff while his passengers scream, squirm, and cringe in sympathetic pain. I guess I thought since he's a bit more of a known name that the book would be a little more "mainstream", which can also kind of go hand-in-hand with "safe" and "tame". If you want something truly horrific, surely they would not sell it on the front table of BookPeople. That's just out where everyone could see it, including kids aged under 5, grandmothers with pearls, and a really cool dog on a skateboard that one time.

This preconception was my mistake. Grady Hendrix is one of those mean authors that isn't afraid to toss his characters in a fire to keep him warm and has a poetic charm for scary gory pain. BookPeople's entrance table has (as the kid's say) "hands".

Btw this is the man I'm complimenting and this is also his author photo in the book

'To become a witch, one traditionally meets a dark figure in a remote place and pledges their loyalty. I am that dark figure, this is that remote place, and now I require each of you who wishes to leave man's world behind, each of you who wishes to embrace her power and turn your back on God, to pledge yourself to me.' -Quote I liked from the book that I don't have to censor because it isn't about pain or pregnancy medical horror.