Why did no one tell me how hard being an adult would be

I think there's a strange tragedy in being an adult, not sure if I can put my finger exactly on why.

But I get so tired of taking care of myself. And in fact, taking care of yourself is the bare minimum. If you want to be the best version of yourself, that requires even more care and effort. It's not enough to eat food, you will have to eat food that's good for you, balance your diet, and make sure you don't overeat.

I feel like the same applies to being a person. A lot of people out there are fine just as they are, maybe they don't even consider trying to be a better person. Maybe they've stagnated. But I think a lot of people want to evolve and be the best versions of themselves they can be.

When I was trying to get hired, I remember watching this video from two people in the video game industry that were giving advice to people trying to get in. For those who don't know, it's an amazingly competitive field, full of plenty of people that want to work at any number of studios because they love the games that studio has made, grew up playing them, or just want to make video games. Anyways, the guy was describing the type of person you need to be to be hired in these roles. He said you need to be "endlessly evolving" and that always stuck with me. I knew then that this was the type of person I wanted to be, not just in job applications, but all around.

It sounds like a force of nature, someone beyond a mere person, who moves forward despite all obstacles. For some reason it reminds me of the fear litany from Dune. The idea of being the thing that overcomes, the thing that remains--and in this sense, the thing that continues forward, Always.

Replace the hands with worms and it's one-to-one Dune

 

Something that doesn't immediately come up in that imagery is how exhausting that is. What an impossibly-heighted hurdle I've set here. Human beings don't do "endless" very well, and sometimes change is the scariest thing I can think of.

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: SpideyPool fanfic

Current hobby: Marvel Rivals

Current worry: Looking foolish in front of my team at work

Quiet day in. Slept until 1:30. Swept dryer lint off the balcony. Sneezing. Rent is due.