Thinkin bout the new year

So Lunar New Year was a few days ago. Year of the Horse! Very exciting. Honestly the Year of the Snake was very kind to me, I feel like I crossed a huge distance.

Do you think the horse is like the horse from spirit stallion of the cimarron or like just a regular horse (image source)

I thought a lot about what kind of goals I'd like to set for the year, and I kind of like the idea of using the time between New Year's and Lunar New Year to brainstorm before putting them into effect. I have a vague list of things, but I've been feeling my goals already pulling me internally.

One of the biggest things (unfortunately, I think) is that I want to work to be more comfortable.

I've been learning so much about myself the past year, and one thing I've recently realized is that a lot scares me. Some things have always been scary to me, some things are new, but lately I've felt like they've been keeping me confined in a small box that I'm outgrowing.

A big thing is that I want to travel more, but it's probably one of my biggest fears. It's tough--I don't like feeling like the thing I want to do the most is also the thing that scares me the most; it's a very uncomfortable place to be in because no matter what direction I go, I'm unhappy (or uncomfortable) in some way. I'm definitely still figuring it out.

I want to make sure to feed a lion at the lion dance this year. I already checked and there will be some performances in town next Saturday. When I fed the lion last year, I had had a big traumatic medical event happen to me and at the time I was physically recovered but still mentally reeling. Watching the cute lions dance and then getting to feed them made me feel lighter about the upcoming year, as if I was getting a protective layer of luck surrounding me.

Plus the red envelopes are super cute! As a stationary nerd, I kind of always love to go look at the designs and pick up a couple cute ones.

CURRENT RAT EVENTS

Current fixation: Figuring out what makes me uncomfortable.

Current hobby: Shrinking.

Current worry: I am working on three projects at work. Two are due in March. One is due in like June. Yesterday, I was stuck on a blocker all day and wrote maybe one line of code total. Idk if I can make these deadlines? I feel like no one has noticed that I have been put on three projects and am struggling and I feel like I can't tell people I'm struggling because it'll look bad. But also I'm frustrated because I'm on three projects and people are expecting me to do all this work with almost no help on some of these. Anyways.

We dressed up and went to a theater show today! I stressed about parking all morning but it was a nothing burger. The temp dropped so much and the wind picked up that we were eager to get home.

The Empress (reversed)--Creative block, insecurity, prompting re-examination.