POV: You're the only person in the entire world

That's how today felt, at least. Not in the sense of like "last person on earth" but in the sense of like... the only sane person. The amount of work being put on me is kind of crazy, and my manager pinged me today to be like "hey don't forget training is due".

First off, training is not due today. Or tomorrow. Training is due Wednesday.

Second off, you're the one that gave me so much work that I don't have time for everything, including training.

When I first started this job, I got a lot of advice from more veteran coworkers. I don't know if they knew they were giving me advice though. I'd see them work insanely hard every day and go above and beyond, only for our manager to give the raise/promotion/reward to someone else, seemingly just because they were a better buddy to him. I think it put into my mind the idea of like don't give 100%, you will regret it.

Entering the job force, it's amazing to look around and see that most people don't give anywhere close to 100%. It can be so low, that it will be personally offensive sometimes. Like I sent an email four hours ago, you can't check your fucking email in four fucking hours? What are you doing?

Literally (side tangent) someone mentioned something during a presentation. I was working on a related task, so about 20 minutes after the meeting ended, I messaged them something like: "Hey, did you say [blank]? Or did I misunderstand?" because it could potentially impact my work. It was close to the end of day, so I didn't expect him to respond, but he still didn't respond the next morning. Or afternoon. I messaged him at about 2 pm asking if he saw my message. He said he did, he just didn't know how to respond. Okay, so you just didn't respond???

"you disgust me" jk I had to be like "oh wow :) haha np :) haha yeah cool I get it haha :)" my worksona was sweating

But more and more lately, I think I'm learning it isn't about being someone that gives 100%. Not necessarily. That's only a symptom. The root cause is caring. I want to say "caring too much" but honestly, in this modern world, if you care anything over 60%, that is apparently too much.

I feel so alone sometimes, hearing these people say wild shit, and looking around at everyone else, slowly realizing I'm the only one that cares. When we have regular meetings during lunch, when the coworker is slightly misogynistic, when someone else doesn't do the work... everyone else just takes it. They don't notice. You look around thinking does anyone else have an issue with this and they don't. The lack of response can be disconcerting and sometimes makes me feel like the only person that's actually awake and not in a fog.

The worst part is that I don't want to care less. Honestly, not sure if you can turn the dial and do that anyways. I think if anyone reading this is like that--someone who cares about things other people don't care about--then I think that's great, and kind of needed. I wouldn't want them to care less. I don't want to care less. I just wish everyone else cared a little bit more.