I have made a blog and I'm really not sure about my decision to make a blog

 I've had a blog before back in college but it was for a class. It was pretty cool honestly but it had a whole theme thing going on and I always wanted to return to it or maintain it but I didn't. Definitely one of those things you keep telling yourself you'll totally do to maintain some level of coolness within yourself but secretly it's all just lies.

I think my main struggle is always "who cares". And if no one cares, then why does it need to go online? What is different between this and just journalling privately? And honestly I don't know. I saw mothcub's blog though, and their video on starting one, and idk it really struck me. I liked it a lot and thought it was perfect and I wanted to try. But idk, we'll see. I don't like the idea of voluntarily giving up my info to the internet (and to Google). I almost didn't make it past the login.

 "Diaristic noodling" is what mothcub called it and idk I think I love that term.

 Anyways, tomorrow is my birthday and I haven't told anyone. Obviously my parents and my sis and boyfriend know, because they were all there when I was born. Except my boyfriend. He's younger than me so he was probably there in spirit. But I'm going to go to work tomorrow and it'll be a regular day, and no one will know.

Actually, it's not a regular day in the sense that I have like 11 meetings tomorrow. My friend asked if I wanted to grab lunch and I was like "I can't" because it was true and I couldn't instead of the reason being I'm shy and nervous and couldn't in the sense that I didn't want to.

I like having a secret birthday. My coworkers have asked me a lot before, and they think they know what day it is but their guess is wrong and because I don't correct them they assume it's right. It's like 10 days off so they will say a really confidently wrong "Happy Birthday" like way late and I'll forget by that point that I even had a birthday.

My school used to announce birthdays on the intercom and I hated it, I hated people I barely knew walking by and telling me "Happy Birthday" because I didn't know them and they didn't know me. It always felt like they entered into a place I didn't want them to without my consent. I guess it's the same for coworkers--we aren't friends, they don't know me and I didn't choose for them to come into my Birthday Lair. I don't want to awkwardly sit in a conference room while everyone on my team--including the asshole who condescended to me a week ago about if I even know what a DTO is (he literally sent me a diagram for beginners before walking over to my cube to explain with no preamble, just assuming I must not know)--sings a discordant happy birthday that none of us want to sit through. Except my manager for some reason. He's the only one that's a fan of it, but he's also one of those "we're all a family" types who is absolutely not cool like my real family.

 Partly why I think it could be cool to start a blog is to look back after the year has passed and hopefully see like 5 billion posts of all the different things I did or thought or whatever.

 My feelings on posting this are like ._. >~< :^o :{) <mustache 🐎